Relationships are Built on Friendship, Acceptance and Connections

We usually experience at the beginning of our relationships the fireworks, the stars brightly shining when we are in the honeymoon phase of being swept along by endorphins.  This initial attraction stage can be heavily influenced by physical desire and this lust feeling can cloud clear thinking and a lot of the time we are attracted to attributes in that person that we feel are lacking in ourselves.  We find it endearing and cute and we love these things in the new person in our life but ironically these things down the track can be the very same things that get on our nerves and cause us relationship issues.

During our commitment stage we are still motivated by strong feelings however over time many people will find that the excitement and thrill just isn’t as powerful as in the beginning and can become disillusioned, causing perhaps some questioning of their feelings towards their partner.

There is however huge benefit in this loving secure stage of living together and building a future, however the real business of a long-term relationship begins, and it is hard work.  This time involves endurance, tolerance, acceptance, flexibility and the normal challenges that are thrown at us day in and day out throughout life.  We start to allow ourselves to become more frank about what we expect from our significant other.

No one is perfect and problems without our relationships are rarely caused by one person, rather the interaction between personalities within.  When disagreements come up and conflict comes into play we need to make sure that we keep in mind that we love this person and we want to treat them with kindness and respect.  If the connection is solid it is far easier to present with unconditional love.

Sometimes we have not had healthy models in our past or functional relationships and it can become a struggle to not allow this to creep in.

If you are struggling to fight fair and to be reasonable when conflict arises please reach out for support through Harrys Helping Hands.

We can utilise the unique knowledge secured in Gottman Therapy where we can work through the Four Horsemen of Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, & Stonewalling by introducing their antidotes of Soft Startups, Taking Responsibility, Sharing Fondness and Admiration and the use of Self-Soothing.  Without support and guidance these Four Horsemen can destroy a loving and committed relationship because they undermine connections and devalue your significant other and your credibility as a loving partner.

Building a really strong and resilient future with a loved one means knowing that they are still the person who piqued our interest, turned us on, made us tingle and fascinated us in the early honeymoon stage of our lives together.  Truly enduring relationships require work and effort and letting lots of small things “go through to the keeper”.   

In Gottman Therapy it’s emphasised that the whole of the Sound Relationship House is important and a valuable analogy for a solid life together.  So even though you will discover that your partner isn’t perfect, if you remember why you initially wanted to commit, it might help you to admit that you aren’t perfect either and that is another thing about one another that draws you closer. 

If you are experiencing any struggles within your relationship reach out to us on 0431212575 or enquiry@harryshelpinghands.com.au

Jenelle Connors